a reason, a season, a lifetime…

Hey peeps, I’m thinking we’ll get to the 4th day of the ’sweet pea monologues’ manana, I’m curious to see if ‘Bill Clinton,’ Cindy and others will post a response. Ed, you out there? All other private e-mail’s will be addressed tomorrow as well. Are you all in your caves thinking (or pouting?) – please try not to do that ’shoot the messenger’ thing, anonz is just trying to edge-uh-cate and/or expose the nonsense and dirty little secrets of US politics…

Listen, I posted this awhile ago, but I think it really reflects so accurately how I feel about people in my life, whoever they are and for however long they stay, that I wanted to say it again. I dug this gem out for anonz, glad you’re back but that goes without saying at this point, doesn’t it?

In it’s original form:

…I know we’ve all received the following sentiment about the nature of relationships in about 100 or so e-mail’s, but, that being said, I LOVE the sentiment and the intent behind it so much that I’ll repeat it here, in my own words…here we go…

Sometimes, people/friends/lovers come in and out of your life so quickly you feel like you just did a quickie in a revolving door (hopefully with tinted windows and not at the Macy’s in NYC, but use your own discretion) and sometimes you’ll feel a hurt or loss due to the brief encounter or you’ll feel ‘horrible’ about how it ended, after all ‘we were such good friends/so good together as lovers, etc, etc…’ and yes, you were, never negate what you know in your heart is/was true, but it was only true for a time…

Maybe you needed a life lesson in something they had to offer, maybe you just needed their type of personality in your life to help bring out that side of you, maybe you just needed to feel your own specialness and while being with that person, you did. There was a reason. Once the reason was fulfilled it was time to be over or just stashed away in your minds’ archives to bring out when the reason needs a ‘feed’ again, if it ever does.

The season is similar and can last as long as or be longer than the ‘reason’ but either way, it’s about being and becoming; more of yourself and experiencing a special slice of this lifetime together, just not all of it. The reasons as well as the seasons hold a special place in your heart and so once again, no matter how it ended, take away your bruised ego and you still have the experience of time and life lessons with that person. Again, hopefully you will not negate the entire relationship over how it ended or whatever your hopes were for it that were dashed mid-way…

Lifetime people are a whole ‘nother category and others’ might feel differently than me but here’s my take on the lifer’s, they end up there, at least in my life due to nothing of my own doing, we just understand and forgive and forget and I never once say, oh we’ll always be together no matter what. Maybe that’s so, but maybe next week we’ll have a falling out over nothing and it won’t even matter who started what, but then suddenly you’ll be a ‘reason’ or a ’season’ person and of no less value to me, just not a lifetime companion anymore.

Though the paths of our lives are separated by ‘reason’ and ’seasons’ and sometimes for a span even our ‘lifetimer’s’ I just never undervalue anyone’s presence in my life, no matter how brief, if there was something there, then there is still something there, it’s just changed form and for me, that’s still OK, it’s my memory and I can structure it/them however I want to…

So, if you are a reason, season, or a lifer (so far) of mine, never underestimate your value in my life, and that’s my way of saying, “I love you, man/woman” with or without your presence…
Have a great day whether I am in it or not ; )

Pam, re: re-posting and examining Ed’s lengthy commentary re: men/women…I’m glad you enjoyed it so much. Part of me wants to indulge you and part of me thinks we should just leave that subject…can’t all males and females just read the book ‘Men-Mars/Women-Venus’ and just act/understand accordingly? Of course, I’m weird and a bit ‘man’ like, I also retreat to the ‘cave,’ though mine is probably better decorated : ) how about you? You have any typically male behavior?

Gender War?

Before this alpha woman just says, ‘Bring it onnn….’ let’s kick some male ass : ) I thought maybe we should discuss a few things, like what is an alpha, male or female? And why do terms like ‘gender wars’ and ‘the battle of the sexes’ even exist? And is it really plausible to think that one gender is better then the other?

The truth is we’re all great, just at different things, using a different approach. Why is that a ‘war’ or a ‘battle’? Personally, I think a most unfortunate premise that has trailed ‘feminism’ is the idea that men and women are basically enemies, covert enemies. Why not harness and utilize male/female power to ‘partner and support’ vs. ‘exploit and manipulate’ each other in actions and in personal attitude and in running the country?

I read this about alpha females: The alpha female is pretty exceptional,” says columnist Polly Toynbee. “There are not a whole lot of people trying to be like her, whereas there are a lot of men behaving in the same way, clambering over each other to reach the top of the tree. Those women who do get to the top are mavericks, hybrids and deny that they are like other women. Women do not like alpha females very much, nor do they want to be like her. Women want to be liked, which holds them back.”

We want to be liked, how sweet, and how true. But, do true alpha women really care what others think of her? I can only answer for me, I want people to like me, sure, but I don’t seek anyone’s approval. A. you dig my being or B. you don’t. I don’t do any urging, begging, or anything remotely resembling that, and yet, I am excellent at building large shallow networks also (and the people in them actually like me). Therefore, in ’social networking’ I’m equal to a man, in ‘intimate relationships, I’m probably better than a man but not because I believe a man doesn’t want to be, alpha females are just wired for both (we just kick ass, don’t we?).

I think (generally speaking) women tend to be better at (wired for) building the intimate one-on-one relationships while men are better at (wired for) building large, shallow and more ‘useful’ networking type relationships, thus making it look like we ‘fawns’ take care of the house while our ’stags’ are out earning respect amongst other males, and if beating their chests with each other helps establish this hierarchy, well so be it, they don’t much care who likes them for it. Pretty much what they have their fawn for, right? To like/love them.

Yes, but what’s a fawn who knows how to ‘work a room’ supposed to do? If you’re an alpha female and if you have the ability and the motivation: Do all of it and like it!

Alpha women – what a lucky lot. I cannot imagine it any other way though : )

Tomorrow, a little historical perspective on why men dominate, oh, everything, or so it seems…