Responses to commenters

First: thanks for taking the time to comment. I am curious why you don’t want to do it publicly? Right here on this blog? But, that’s just curiousity, you feel free to continue using my private e-mail. I’m not a PI, I do not/will not do anything with your info/e address, your call…I don’t mind either way : )

Those of you who do comment privately obviously got my address from my old blog site: http://lilliandevin.com/wordpress/ I won’t be cryptic and make you go there, if any newbie here would like to comment privately, feel free: lillian@lilliandevin.com or Lmdevin@att.net, it seems like you all have gotten through on the first e-mail just fine, but I’ve had a few issues with it lately so I provided another…if you want to go to the old site to read, feel free…

Oh, I just wanted to tell you something someone named Danielle sent me in an e-mail yesterday, she noticed the dragonfly on my ‘Zen’ sweater. She wrote, did you know the dragonfly is the native totem for dreaming? No, No I did not, thank you for telling me, pretty good call on my part when I was attracted to the sweater though, yes?

OK…

James: James, James, James…you are too funny. Now that you ‘refreshed’ my memory I do recall your pal and you’re right, I am funny! I can’t believe I said that, but let me share the moment: At the gym, I walked by a hunk, James’s pal, who was staring at me as I walked up to and by him, I saw him, he had nice biceps so I looked at him back, as I passed I said, Hi and smiled. He (this is corny, admit it, James) said, oh God, are you ready? ‘I think I’m in love’ hahaha…my response: ‘you’re young, you’ll get over it’ and kept walking.

Anyway, told you on M’s blog, anonz is a different story, I am not looking for anything. If you are going to nicely stalk me though, I am at the Starbuck’s on Rosecrans MB every Weds 4-5pm and Fri 3:30-4:30 I’m usually outside drinking and reading, I’m always open to meeting a new pal, male or female, but I swear James, you try anything and we’ll be Kung Fu fighting in the parking lot : )

Pamanorama, or is it really panorama or a play on Pam? Sorry…anyway, thank you for empathizing, and no it’s not a great ‘place’ to be but neither is it for my hub, so no ’sides’ really need to be taken here. We are both at fault, make no mistake, wish the willingness to admit that sooner was there but cie la vie’. I’m trying to have compassion (and patience) with both of us as we meander our way around this state. As for my own mental/emotional state, A New Earth, a highly suggested read, has helped me stay in the moment which for a while now has felt pleasantly ‘free of unhappiness,’ now and then my ego pops up and she’s a biagge, and she’s quite resistant to being booted. I speak of her in the third person for a reason, she is not me.

If you haven’t heard of Eckhard Tolle, check out this short clip, he speaks slow so have patience:

Have a great weekend, c u Monday…when we will resume better subjects than my personal life, thank you all for indulging me, time to move on to bigger/better subjects…

Relationships…the one with myself!

I was going to inspire you all with a video about Hamilton, the strongest man, he’s run 20+ marathons pushing his son in a wheelchair. I find him and his son just amazing, BUT, then I got sidetracked by the following entry that would not get out of my head : ) hope there’s something in it for you also.

Talk about gaining clarity…(and sorry, more self disclosure, a thank you for reading is in order)

I have been reading ‘A New Earth’ (ANE) and loving it so much it qualifies for several rereads. then, yesterday I recieved in the mail two more books I want to read. One is ‘Style Statement’ and the other ‘Mobs, Messiahs, and Markets’ I chose to start the first one, after all it’s premise is that by picking two words to describe myself I can begin to live the life I want. A large claim for two word titled book ‘Style Statement’ and creating two more to live by? Well now, those would be two very powerful words, wouldn’t they?

Since I like ‘Edgy Dreamer’ already I didn’t think I’d gain that much by reading this book, but it turned out to be a profound ‘Aha’ moment for me. Between the writings of ANE and the workbook style of this Style Statement book, I suddenly realized the origin of my discontent within my primary relationship (hahaha, marriage). I have been asking, no begging, and more, and for years…to talk, to design ‘our’ future, our lives, what would do we want to have, do, contribute, where do we want to be, see and learn, what’s the best environment we could provide ourselves with, what would that look/feel like, yes all those questions and many many more would take ‘us’ on the ride of ‘our’ passionate lives! Right?

Except, the convos that I started re: ‘designing lives’ vs. being more or less dragged around by a prior unconscious decision was met with shrugs, silence, plain old ‘huh’s? and smirks. For those of you who have not been married, you (or let me be responsible and just say ‘I’) soon started to bring the questions up less and less, chalking the whole thing up to (this along with our opposing spiritual views) into the ‘we agree to disagree’ category. Kind of a major letdown to shut down perfectly good conversation topics though, no?

I know now I should’ve never given up, I allowed myself to bury my passionate (and gentle) nature and life designing search. I have to unbury it now and ask/answer the questions myself, and some of them are hard for me right now as they require a ’solo’ answer just at this point. I’ll do it though, I’ll creatively design a life, my life and live it, yes, this ride is for me! Yesssaiii!

uh…

Thing is: I love to share this journey called life, oh…but wait, maybe that’s an answer to a question I haven’t read yet. I guess it ain’t over for ‘Edgy Dreamer’ and the ‘Style Statement’ book just yet…

How about you? Are you living the life you ‘designed’ or just hanging in for another day?

Escape the ‘green way, the Organic ‘Orchard Garden Hotel’

Commenter - Eddy, thanks for your words, and yes, I believe if you wanted to label me I’d be an alpha female. The alpha male testing part, I guess that’d have a ring of truth to it also. None else of what you wrote is nothing I haven’t thought of or tried to sort out, but I appreciate the helpful sentiment. The pic is me, I’m working on a new one, you can decide for yourself if I’m good-lookin’ or not, doesn’t hurt my feelings either way. Historically men who are attracted to me are out of the ordinary (in some way) alpha males who feel my mega-alphaness, my looks may play a role…or not. Once they’re in, they’re in regardless…

OK…and for today…

I am waiting to leave on an appointment and had a few minutes and started thinking about my need for space right now, my need to travel, be somewhere else, anywhere else really and suddenly in my ‘in box’ was a link to this hotel…hmmm…the universe if conversing with me telepathically and via my computer now, and, I like it ; )

http://www.perfectescapes.com/Luxury_Hotel_Deals-PID2495-OID673-San_Francisco_California-Orchard_Garden_Hotel.html

I could deal with this room for a day or two: room service…send me a jumbo shrimp cocktail and a chilled pitcher of dry Kettle One martini’s pronto per favore, oh yes, and a bottle of sparkling water also. Do NOT offer me wake up calls!

No phone calls either…

Maybe I should hide away at that cave hide-away hotel in Turkey I wrote about a while ago, you know, have an adventure, find my grail or something…

Maybe Two Bunch Palms would work better, it’s closer : )

Off with their heads!

Yep, it’s that kind of day…

Call it Lilli going off the Zen, call it PMS, call it what you want but certain types of behavior just pisses me off and I want to scream, ‘off with their heads’ usually followed by ‘you arrogant f**k(s)’ and today the objects of my Calabrese temper are the women of ’superior’ intelligence found on MM blog.

If you haven’t been following that story, tune in, http://michellemoquin.wordpress.com/ you won’t be sorry…oh, wait I just used that term on the site: ’sorry asses’ and it felt so good. I am usually quite Zen and not into name calling but, you know, don’t ever f**k with a Calabrese woman too much. It’s not a good idea. We’re not beyond doing or saying anything when we’re pushed too far : )

For ‘earthling girls’ – the band: Off  With Their Heads playing ‘DIE TODAY’ followed by ‘IDIOTS’

It’s too early to add alcohol to take the edge off my PO factor…damn it…

Hmmm, it’s probably after five somewhere in the world though, right…?

The Getty Museum

Whenever I make plans to go to the Getty Museum and today it is with some relatives stopping through LA on their way home to bangkok, Thailand, a funny story comes to mind…

Nine years ago, at my father’s wake, (this is NOT the funny part) I was sitting in that first row staring at my father in a casket looking like he was sleeping, and I did the normal thing, which is to stare at his chest and wait for it to rise and fall, at which point, I’d stand up and declare the whole thing just a practice run, everyone can go home now. But, that never happened, so after a while I tuned into my mother’s chatter, she gets that way when nervous or anxious. Me…well, I’m the opposite so that left only this eavesdropping option.

I heard her rustling in her bag and then hand some photos to my cousin, MaryLynn and her new husband (now ex) Chip, whom I’d met earlier that day. They were sitting behind us. I knew they were recent shots I’d sent my father, receiving mail from me used to make him happy so I’d write, send pics and call also.

I turned to see Chip flipping through and nodding through my mother’s narrations. He stopped at a picture of the view from the top floor of the Getty Museum, and asked, ‘where’s this taken?’ My mother casually looked over and said, ‘oh, that’s off Lill’s front balcony.’ I watched his eyebrows fly up.

I smiled and said, ‘Chip, you and MaryLynn come out anytime, I’ll have our driver pick you up at the airport,’ his mouth was stuck open, I had to turn around to contain my laughter.

Today, I’m sure I’ll come back with a whole new story about the Getty but this one, this one story will always be my favorite, and I know my father would’ve loved it : )

Happy Memorial Day…and…

happy memory day to you, anonz. Welcome back : )

Listen, this is a day like: oh, you know, Veteran’s day, where unless you’ve been in war, and seen it firsthand you can walk around blithely saying, ‘Got beer?’ or something of similar value. And it’d all be called celebrating a holiday, and that’s true, except, do you truly care that some men gave up their lives for you, for what at the time seemed the right and patriotic thing to do? I, for one, cannot even look at a visual of the Vietnam memorial without crying or seriously wanting to, the north drive on the 405 here in LA features a veterans cemetery that I now just ignore for the same reason.

Even if you don’t believe in war (is there someone who would does? Or would even admit they do?) these men all gave up their time and sometimes their lives so you and I can celebrate the holiday with whoever and however we freely wish to do so and/or berate the current and/or past governments for their incompetence and/or insolence or whatever openly…yep, they did that for their country, the USA and they did it for you and me, so we’re free.

So, today…let’s hoist one (pick your poison, I don’t do beer) to the men (and in Iraq, the women, too. whether you’re down with war or not is irrelevant today) that who died for this country trying to uphold what they believed (or not) to be the honorable intentions of their government.

and …anonz, may your restored memories make you feel warm and fuzzy, missed the comments : )

Ciao, off to a party with free food, alcohol and entertainment! C u manana…

Random Kind Acts . dot com!

Yes, there is actually a website titled www.randomkindacts.com – on it you can read stories of kind acts done, witnessed and/or received. I found it via a click-through on a e-mailed volunteermatch.org newsletter.

Today, there’s a story of a disabled vet of the Iraq war and how he needed necessities of life until the government sent money (perhaps he’s in for a long wait) and there are many more stories…

A few thoughts taken from their ‘about us’ page…and watch: soon we’ll see a ‘random acts…’ version of “chicken soup for the…’ !!

+ Smile at a friend or stranger, at work or school

+ Donate something of value to a shelter

+ Donate time and/or money to a non-profit that helps others

+ Run erands for an elderly or shut-in neighbor

+ Cut your neighbor’s lawn or clear snow from their walk

+ Plant a garden/tree/plant in your neighborhood

+ Volunteer at a school in your community

+ Smile and say “good morning/afternoon/evening” to everyone you come in contact with

+ Mentor a child at a school/Mosque/Church/Synagogue in your community

+ Conserve energy and recycle when/where you are able

There is no limit to a person’s capacity to give of himself. So what are you waiting for?

Make the world a better place.

Here’s a short video ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ week…but why not everyday?

I better get going there’s a long day of smiling at strangers ahead. Oh hey wait, I do that anyway, and I always thought I was just a friendly goof ball. Perhaps I have made someone’s day without even knowing it? How simple, sweet and…random…

Have a day filled with kindness : ) random or otherwise ; )

Got gears? The Mini Cooper S does…!

I’ve got ‘trip-tronic’ to change gears with in my BMW 530i, which means I get to move the little stick shift thingie back and forth and it does change gears…even brand new Aston Martin’s and Ferrari’s have ‘trip-tronic’ either on the stick or on the steering wheel, what I want to know is: who designed this ‘trip-tronic’ thing? A design engineer who just never got the hang of driving a manual stick shift?

I miss my clutch! I miss the simultaneous movement of left foot and right hand.

So, today, again I will be brief, I have to go drive Mini Cooper S with a manual gear box, go on a lunch job interview (ack) and then I must ‘go get my beauty’ which is my sweet Vietnamese hairstylist’s way of saying, time to fix them roots, babe!

I can’t wait to work those gears! It might not be the right car for me, but you never know : )

I could have a job and a new car by days’ end…or not. But, I will definitely have better lookin’ hair : )

Kombucha tea, mothers/daughter mushrooms and a healthy life

Today I’ve got a man coming to install a new front door over here, so it’s going to be noisy, my excuse for a brief and to the point entry today. That and I had two espressos and it is time to purge, everything must go!!

Over the weekend, I attended a wedding in Redding, it was on a beautiful hilltop on a property that had been in this man’s family since the cowboy days of old. After the extremely hot ceremony, the sun dropped over the hill and it was gorgeous. Since my shoes and legs were trashed with dust aready I decided to walk down the hill two miles to the reception instead of riding in the hired but full vans, yes, my ten year old Franco Sarto heels are that comfortable, they look good, too, but I digress…

I ended up walking down that hill with a cousin in law and her son, a twenty year old member of a ballet troupe, he is in top condition and he started telling me about Kambucha tea and how it would improve my health and life. It did his; and he feels everyone should know about it. He told me, she told me, concurrently how to brew it. How you must make a ‘mother’ and ‘daughter’ mushroom so you have continuous brew, how to begin the mother/daughter, all in exact measurements, they were totally into it. I didn’t really take great mental notes knowing you can find just about anything on the internet…so today, I share this story and these videos/websites with you:

For info about what it will/will not cure (apparently nothing can’t be fixed by drinking Kombucha) check it out @ http://w3.datanet.hu/~akvapol/kombucha/english/kombucha.htm#WHAT%20IS%20THE%20KOMBUCHA%20DRINK%20GOOD%20FOR?

This video is the most basic and easy to start your own ‘mother.’

There are two other videos on youtube.com that are very instructional and funny and five minutes each, so if you decide to be a serious Kombucha drinker/maker/healthy soul, tune in to those also: go to youtube.com and type in Kombucha and watch Kombucha part 1 and Kombucha part 2.

I’m going to get brewing myself, my only tip from watching these videos is: if you use green tea use brown sugar, if you use black tea use white sugar. Don’t use Earl Grey, it tastes sour when used in Kombucha.

Have a healthy day, week, life…!

Class for new lesbians is now in session!

ANONymous, my shy and private commenter: thank you, good idea, post my old site location, here it is: old blog site was/is www.lilliandevin.com/wordpress, where newbies can get caught up on archives of my edginess…! See you here again!

& today’s entry…

As we waited for the new steamerboy at Starbuck’s to screw up our blended mocha frapaccinos, my long standing pal, KK, was going off about an ex-squeeze who had now found religion and the bitch session was about her friend’s new found hypocrisy. I always thought that said chick was a bit of a hypocrite, she was newly married to a man when she started the two year affair with my friend. I’d given my pal, K, the minor scolding for that back then, but you know, why really? Married girl was clear that she liked women, but she wanted kids so she married someone who also wanted them a lot, someone safe and stable; he’s an obese man who apparently doesn’t require much in the way of sex. Qualifies as ‘usery’ on her part in my book, but maybe they both get what they want out of the deal, who knows and who am I to judge?

Anyway, now the couple invite KK over to see their new baby and go off on the biblical condemnation of gays…weird, and yes, hypocritical. While K and I are having this convo somehow we’d comandeered both sides of the Starbuck’s delivery counter. A man waiting for his coffee jokingly asks if he’ll be ‘allowed’ to collect his drink when the time comes; we laugh and he joins our convo, he said something funny like ‘…yeah I hate hypocrites, liars, too, at least when I’m being hypocritical I openly tell people that I’m a liar also…’ We both turned towards Mr. Interupter, and start talking, blah, blah, he’s got a kid named KK, blah, blah, blah, he checks our hands for rings, a smoothly covert gesture I thought, obviously a single dad of lil’ KK. He says his good-byes, K says, ‘I can see you dating someone like that. Funny, smart casual banter, tall, good-looking…big hands and feet…’ I stare at her. She adds, ‘Oh, I mean if you weren’t already married…’ Oh, uh-huh…you forgot? A few minutes later…

Outside at a table, she laments stories of gay women who have never had sex with a man and who frown about her admission that at one point in life she like the big D and penetration. I said incredulously, ‘wait, hold up, are you saying there are lesbians who have never had penetration of ANY kind and think that that’s a hetero activity only?’ Answer: yes. I was blown away, and said that I thought the fun part of even lesbian play was done with penetration in mind, only of the plastic injection molded sort. Oh no, she said, not with ’serious’ lesbians.

Then she tells me that some women like to get their indoctrination into the clan with ‘nice’ lesbians like her and often go back to men, you know, ‘I was just experimenting,’ but still I could tell it hurt her feelings to be used that way more than once. I actually said, and yes, without thinking (I can be that way sometimes), ‘what do they think you’re doing, running an ‘intro course’ for the curious?’ She fell over laughing. Then I got it, I’d said intro-course, hee hee, kind of an anti-lesbian class if you think about it, an’ intro course’ without ‘intercourse’…OK, well, if it’s not funny to you, I guess you just had to have been there. I was. It was.

Have any good gay pal stories of your own…?